Adoptive Parents

1. Who can adopt a child?

As a general rule, any adult who is determined to be a "fit parent" may adopt a child. Married or unmarried couples may adopt jointly, and unmarried people may adopt a child through a procedure known as a single-parent adoption.

Some states have special requirements for adoptive parents. A few of these require an adoptive parent to be a certain number of years older than the child. For example, California requires adoptive parents to be at least ten years older than the adoptee, while Idaho requires a difference of 15 years. And some states require the adoptive parent to live in the state for a certain length of time before they are allowed to adopt. For instance, an adoptive parent in Georgia must have been a state resident for at least six months, and Minnesota has a one-year residency requirement. You will need to check the laws of your state to see whether any special requirements apply to you. And keep in mind that if you're adopting through an agency, you may have to meet strict agency requirements in addition to any requirements under state law.

Even if you find no state or agency barriers to adopting a child, remember that some people or couples are likely to have a harder time adopting than others. For example, a single man or a lesbian couple may not legally be prohibited from adopting, but may have a harder time finding a placement than would a married couple. This is because all states look to the "best interests of the child" as their bottom line, and will judge the various characteristics of the parent or couple--often factoring in biases about who makes a good parent--when making a placement determination.

2. Can I adopt a child whose race or ethnic background is different from mine?

Usually, yes. You do not need to be the same race as the child you want to adopt, although some states do give preference to prospective adoptive parents of the same race or ethnic background of the child. Adoptions of Native American children are governed by federal law--the Indian Child Welfare Act--which outlines specific rules and procedures that must be followed when adopting a Native American child.

3. Is it still very difficult for lesbians and gay men to adopt children?

Only Florida and New Hampshire specifically prohibit lesbians and gay men from adopting children. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean it's easy to adopt in other states. Connecticut, for example, allows judges to consider the sexual orientation of the adoptive parent in determining whether an adoption should take place. The same is true in other states--even if a state adoption statute does not specifically mention sexual orientation, it may become an issue in court, and some judges will use it to find a prospective adoptive parent to be unfit.

On the other hand, many gay men and lesbians have been able to adopt children, and an increasing number of states are allowing gay and lesbian couples to adopt jointly. Beginning in Alaska in 1985, joint adoptions by gay and lesbian couples have been granted in California, Colorado, the District of Columbia, Illinois, Indiana, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, New Jersey, New York, Oregon Pennsylvania, Texas, Vermont, and Washington.

Keep in mind that the legal landscape in all areas affecting gays and lesbians is changing rapidly. Just as a legislature might make it easier for gays and lesbians to adopt, a court decision to the contrary might provide quite a different result. Lesbians and gay men will need an experienced attorney to handle an adoption. But you can do your own homework: The National Center for Lesbian Rights (address and phone number listed below) provides information for gay men and lesbians who want to adopt.

4. I'm single, but I'd like to adopt a child. What special concerns will I face?

As a single person, you may have to wait longer for a placement, or be flexible about the child you adopt. Agencies often "reserve" healthy infants and younger children for two-parent families, putting single people at the bottom of their waiting lists. And birthparents themselves often want their children to be placed in a two-parent home.

If you're a single person wishing to adopt, you should be prepared to make a good case for your fitness as a parent. You can expect questions from case workers about why you haven't married, how you plan to support and care for the child on your own, what will happen if you do marry and other questions which will put you in the position of defending your status as a single person. To many single adoptive parents, such rigorous screening doesn't seem fair, but it is commonplace.

Agencies serving children with special needs may be a good option for singles, as such agencies often cast a wider net when considering adoptive parents. While you shouldn't take a child you're not comfortable with, being flexible about your options will make the resistance to single-parent adoptions easier to overcome.

5. My long-term partner and I prefer not to get married, but we'd like to adopt a child together. Will we run into trouble?

There is no specific prohibition against unmarried couples adopting children (sometimes called a two-parent adoption). Like singles, however, you may find that agencies are biased towards married couples. You may have a longer wait for a child, or you may have to expand your ideas about what kind of child you want.

Types of Adoption

Agency Adoptions

Agency adoptions involve the placement of a child with adoptive parents by a public agency, or by a private agency licensed or regulated by the state. Public agencies generally place children who have become wards of the state for reasons such as orphanage, abandonment or abuse. Private agencies are often run by charities or social service organizations. Children placed through private agencies are usually brought to the agency by parents that have or are expecting a child who they want to give up for adoption.

Independent Adoptions

In an independent adoption (or private adoption), a child is placed with adoptive parents without the involvement of an agency. Some independent adoptions involve a direct arrangement between the birthparents and the adoptive parents, while others involve an intermediary such as an attorney, doctor or clergyperson. Whether or not an intermediary is used, an attorney is essential. Most states allow independent adoptions, though many regulate them quite carefully. Independent adoptions are not allowed in Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts and Minnesota.

Identified Adoptions

An identified, or designated, adoption is one in which the adopting parents locate a birth mother (or the other way around), and then ask an adoption agency to take over the rest of the adoption process. In this way, the process is a hybrid of an independent and an agency adoption. Prospective parents are spared the waiting lists of agencies by finding the birth parents themselves, but reap the other benefits of agencies, such as their experience with adoption legalities and their counseling services. Everyone may simply feel more comfortable if an agency is involved. Plus, identified adoptions provide an alternative to parents in states that ban independent adoptions.

International Adoptions

In an international adoption, the adoptive parents adopt a child who is a citizen of a foreign country. In addition to satisfying the adoption requirements of both the foreign country and the parents' home state in the U.S., the parents must obtain an immigrant visa for the child through the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service. The INS has its own rules for international adoptions, such as the requirement that the adoptive parents be either married or, if single, at least 25 years old. The INS also requires adoptive parents to complete several forms and submit a favorable home study report. Finally, you must apply for U.S. citizenship for the child; it is not granted automatically.

Relative Adoptions

When a child is related to the adoptive parent by blood or marriage, the adoption is a relative adoption. The most common example of this type of adoption is a stepparent adoption, in which a parent's new spouse adopts a child from a previous partner. Grandparents often adopt their grandchildren if the parents die while the children are minors. These adoptions are usually easier and simpler than non-relative adoptions.

Agency Adoptions

1. What are some of the advantages and disadvantages of an agency adoption?

Using an agency to manage your adoption can be helpful for a number of reasons. Agencies are experienced in finding children, matching them with parents and satisfying the necessary legal requirements. Agencies will do most of the legwork of an adoption, from finding a birthparent to finalizing the papers, and they'll walk adoptive parents through many of the crucial steps in between, such as conducting the home study, obtaining the necessary consents and advising parents on the state's specific requirements.

The key advantage of an agency adoption is the extensive counseling that agencies provide throughout the process. Typically, counseling is available for adoptive parents, birthparents and the children (if they are older). Careful counseling can help everyone involved weather the emotional, practical and legal complexities that are likely to arise throughout the adoption process.

Finally, many agencies specialize in certain kinds of children; this may be helpful if you want, for example, to adopt an infant, a child of a different race from yours or a child with special medical needs. Some agencies also offer international adoption services.

On the down side, private agencies are often extremely selective when choosing adoptive parents. This is because they have a surplus of people who want to adopt and a limited number of available children. Most agencies have long waiting lists of prospective parents, especially for healthy, white infants. Agencies weed out parents using criteria such as age limits, marital status, income, health, religion, family size, personal history (including criminal conduct) and residency requirements.

Additionally, agencies often wait to place the child in the adoptive home until all necessary consents have been given and become final. Because of this, a child may be placed in foster care for a few days or weeks, depending on the situation and the state's law. The lag-time concerns many adoptive parents who want the child to have a secure, stable home as soon as possible. Some agencies get around this by placing infants immediately through a type of adoption known as a "legal risk placement": if the birth mother decides she wants her child back before her rights have been legally terminated, the adoptive parents will have to let the child go.

Public agencies often have many children ready to be adopted, but they often specialize in older or special-needs children. If you want a newborn, a public agency might not be able to help you. Also, public agencies often do not provide the many other services such as much-needed counseling that private agencies offer. Generally, they don't have as many resources as private agencies.

2. How do I find an adoption agency?

There are an estimated 3,000 adoption agencies in the United States, public and private. If you live in a state like California or New York, you'll have more options than if you live in a less populated state. But wherever you live, you'll probably have to do some searching to find an agency that meets your needs and is able to work with you. You can call a national adoption organization for referrals to get you started.

3. How can I check on the reputation of an adoption agency?

As discussed above, you can and should speak with other parents who have adopted through the agency. In addition, you should check out the agency's accreditation. Start with the licensing department of your state. It can tell you whether the agency has been cited for licensing violations, or whether the licensing office has received any complaints about the agency. You can also request a copy of the state's rules governing agencies so that you understand the standards to which your agency is held.

The staff at your state's department of social services may also be able to give you information about the agency. Finally, you can check your state or local department of consumer affairs to see if it handles complaints about adoption agencies.

Non-Agency Adoptions

1. What should I keep in mind when deciding whether to pursue an independent adoption?

Birth and adoptive parents are sometimes attracted to independent adoptions because they allow control over the entire adoption process. Rather than relying on an agency as a go-between, the birthparent and adoptive parents can meet, get to know each other and decide for themselves whether the adoption should take place. Independent adoptions also avoid the long waiting lists and restrictive qualifying criteria that are often involved in agency adoptions. And independent adoptions usually happen much faster than agency adoptions, often within a year of beginning the search for a child.

One major drawback to independent adoptions is that they are illegal in some states, currently Connecticut, Delaware, Massachusetts, and Minnesota. States that do allow independent adoptions sometimes regulate them in other ways-for example by prohibiting adoptive parents from advertising for birth mothers. Be sure to check your state's laws before you proceed.

Another concern is that birthparents might not receive adequate counseling during the adoption process. This may leave your agreement more vulnerable to unraveling. Furthermore, some states extend the period in which birthparents may revoke their consent for independent adoptions-and this places your agreement at additional risk.

Finally, independent adoptions are a lot of work. Adoptive parents often spend enormous amounts of time--and money--just finding a birthmother, not to mention the efforts required to follow through and bring the adoption to a close. Some parents decide afterwards that the energy and expense needed to adopt independently is just too much, and they hire an agency to do the work for their next adoption.

Open Adoptions

1. What is an open adoption?

An open adoption is one in which there is some degree of contact between the birthparents and the adoptive parents-often this includes contact with the child as well. There is no one standard for open adoptions; each family works out an arrangement that works well for them. Some adoptive parents consider meeting the birthparents just once before the birth of the child, while others form ongoing relationships which may include written correspondence or visits.

2. What are the advantages of open adoptions?

Open adoptions often help reduce stress and worry by eliminating the power of the unknown: rather than fearing the day that a stranger will come knocking on their door to ask for the child back, adoptive parents are reassured by knowing the birthparents personally and dealing with them directly. This openness can be beneficial to the child as well, who will grow up with fewer questions-and misconceptions-than might a child of a "closed" adoption.

If you want your adoption to be open and decide to use an agency, be sure to find out their policies on open placements. Some agencies offer only closed or "semi-open" adoptions, and will not provide identifying information about birth or adoptive parents even if both families want the adoption to be open. On the other hand, independent adoptions-where allowed-permit any degree of openness desired by the birth and adoptive families.

Stepparent Adoptions

1. I'm getting remarried, and my new husband would like to adopt my son from a previous marriage. How difficult will it be to set this up? And will I need to get the consent of my ex?

Generally speaking, a step-parent adoption is much easier to complete than other non-relative adoptions. Waiting periods, home studies and sometimes even the adoption hearing are often unnecessary for a step-parent.

Intercountry Adoptions

1. Can I adopt a child from a different country?

You can adopt a foreign child through an American agency which specializes in intercountry adoptions-or you can adopt directly. If you prefer a direct adoption, you will have to adhere not only to the adoption laws of your state, but also to U.S. immigration laws and the laws of the country of the child. It will be a complex process, so be prepared for some tangles. Do as much research as you can before you fly off to find a child; the more you know about the chosen country's adoption system ahead of time, the better off you'll be when you get there.

2. Are there special requirements for intercountry adoptions?

U.S. immigration laws require that prospective adoptive parents be married or, if single, at least 25 years old. The adoptive parents must file an Orphan Petition (INS form I-600) with the Immigration and Naturalization Service which shows either that the child's parents have died, disappeared or have abandoned the child, or that one remaining parent is not able to care for the child and consents to the child's adoption and immigration to the U.S. If there are two known parents, the child will not qualify as an orphan under any circumstances.

Along with the Orphan Petition, you will need to submit a number of other documents, including a favorable home study report. If the INS approves the petition, and there are no disqualifying factors such as a communicable disease, the child can be issued an immigrant visa.

Much of the paperwork for an intercountry adoption can be completed even before you have identified a specific child to adopt. Advance preparation is a valuable option because the INS paperwork often takes a long time to process, and may hold up the child's arrival in the U.S. even after all foreign requirements have been met.

Finally, be sure you check your own state laws for any preadoption requirements. Some states, for instance, require you to submit the written consent of the birth mother before they approve the entry of the child into the state. Some experts recommend that parents who adopt overseas readopt the child in their own state in order to make sure that the adoption fully conforms to state law.

For more information about intercountry adoptions, see the resource list at the end of this section.

Costs of Adoption

1. Are agency adoptions very expensive?

They certainly can be. Agencies charge fees to cover the birthmother's expenses as allowed by state law; these expenses may include medical expenses, living expenses during the pregnancy and counseling. Add to this the agency's staff salaries and overhead-and charges can mount up quickly.

Many agencies charge a flat fee for adoptions, while others add the birthmother's expenses to a fixed rate for the agency's services. Some agencies use a sliding scale which varies with adoptive parents' income levels, usually with a set minimum and maximum fee. You can expect to pay between $1,000 and $6,000 to adopt a young child, and $10,000 or more to adopt a newborn. Some agencies charge a lower rate for handling special needs adoptions.

Public agencies generally do not charge fees for placing children in adoptive homes.

2. What are the costs involved in an independent adoption?

Because each situation is unique, fees for independent adoptions vary widely. Prospective parents must generally cover the costs of finding a birthmother, all costs related to the pregnancy and birth, and the costs involved in the legal adoption process. Some states allow the birth mother's living expenses during the pregnancy to be covered as well. Items such as hospital bills, travel expenses, phone bills, home study costs, attorney's fees and court costs can often surpass $10,000.

You Can't Buy a Baby

It is illegal in all states to buy or sell a baby. All states, however, allow adoptive parents to pay certain "reasonable" costs that are specifically related to the adoption process. Each state has its own laws defining which expenses may be paid by adoptive parents in any kind of adoption proceeding-agency or independent. If you pursue an independent adoption, you must adhere to these laws when you give any money to the birthmother. And agencies are regulated to make sure that they charge adoptive parents only for the costs that the state allows.

Most states allow the adoptive parents to pay the birthmother's medical expenses, counseling costs and attorney's fees. Some states allow payments to cover the birth mother's living expenses such as food, housing and transportation during pregnancy. Most states require all payments to be itemized and approved by a court before the adoption is finalized. Be sure to know and understand your state's laws, because providing or accepting prohibited financial support may subject you to criminal charges. And the adoption itself may be jeopardized if you make improper payments.

The Home Study

1. What is a home study?

All states require adoptive parents to undergo an investigation to make sure that they are fit to raise a child. This investigation is called a home study. Typically, the study is conducted by a state agency or a licensed social worker who examines the adoptive parents' home life and prepares a report that the court will review before allowing the adoption to take place. Some states do not require a report to be submitted to a court, however; these states allow the agency or social worker to decide whether the prospective parents are fit to adopt. Common areas of inquiry include:

• financial stability
• marital stability
• lifestyles
• other children
• career obligations
• physical and mental health, and
• criminal history.

2. Can I do anything about an unfavorable home study report?

If your home study results in a negative report which claims you are unsuited to adopt, you may contest it. Each state has different appeal procedures. Some states provide for a separate procedure, while other states make the appeal part of the adoption hearing.

Consent

1. Whose consent is needed for an adoption to take place?

For any adoption to be legal, the birth parents must consent to the adoption unless their parental rights have been legally terminated for some other reason. All states prohibit birth parents from giving their consent to an adoption until after the child's birth, and some states require even more time-typically three to four days after the birth-before consent can be given. This means that birth parents can legally change their minds at any point before the birth of the child, because they haven't yet given consent to the adoption.

2. I've heard of birth parents changing their minds and taking children back even after they've been raised for a long time by adoptive parents. How can this happen?

Even after consent has been given and the child has been placed in the adoptive home, many states allow the birth parents to revoke their consent for a period of time determined by state law. Though it can be nerve-wracking-and sometimes devastating-for the adoptive parents who have begun to care for the child, this period of time may stretch for weeks or even months after the placement.

Court Procedure

1. Do I need to go to court for an adoption?

All adoptions, whether handled by an agency or done independently, must be approved by a court. The adoptive parents must file a petition-basically a request for approval-with the court and go through an adoption hearing.

Before the hearing, anyone who is required to consent to the adoption must receive notice. Usually this includes the biological parents, the adoption agency, the child's legal representative if a court has appointed one and the child himself if he is old enough (12 to 14 years old in most states). States vary on the particular notice requirements, so check your state's laws.

At the hearing, if the court determines that the adoption is in the child's best interest, the judge will issue an order approving and finalizing the adoption. This order, often called a final decree of adoption, legalizes the new parent-child relationship, and usually changes the child's name to the name the adoptive parents have chosen.

2. What should my adoption petition say?

A standard adoption petition will generally include five pieces of information: 1) the names, ages and address of the adoptive parents, 2) the relationship between the adoptive parents and the child to be adopted, 3) the legal reason that the birth parents' rights are being terminated (the reason usually being that they consented to the termination), 4) a statement that the adoptive parents are the appropriate people to adopt the child, and 5) a statement that the adoption is in the child's best interests. Typically, the written consents of the birth parents or the court order terminating their parental rights is also filed along with the petition. Adoptive parents also often include a request for an official name change for the child.

3. Do I need an attorney to handle the adoption of my child?

If you do not use an agency, yes. Even if you do use an agency, you will probably need to hire a lawyer to draft the adoption petition and to represent you at the hearing. Although there is no legal requirement that a lawyer be involved in an adoption, the process can be quite complex and should be handled by someone with experience and expertise. When seeking a lawyer, find out how many adoptions he or she has handled, and whether any of them were contested or developed other complications.