Stalking, Abuse and Restraining Orders
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Reporting Abuse To Police Or Other Agencies
If you saw a serious fight break out on the street, you would very likely call the police. But what if you hear the couple next door screaming and throwing furniture around? Like many people, you may feel less confident about reporting family violence. You may have the following concerns:Fear of making a false report. Fortunately, you often don't have to make the decision of whether to report suspected abuse on your own--many communities have various kinds of abuse hotlines and experts who can help you sort out your feelings and observations before you make a report.
Concern that violence will escalate. Sometimes people refrain from making a report because of concern that an abuser might hurt the victim more severely if the violence becomes known. In fact, threatening to cause more injuries is one of the tactics the batterer uses to maintain control. But it's also a fact that violence can escalate anyway--whether it is reported or not. It is possible to be discreet in making a report so that you get the information to authorities without unnecessarily endangering the victim.
Make sure the police or social service agency knows of your concerns so that they can take extra precautions when dealing with the abuser. For instance a police officer or a social worker could tell the batterer: "If you try to hurt anyone who reported this incident or whom you even suspect has reported it, you will go directly to jail."
If you are concerned about your safety or privacy, make an anonymous report. But realize that anonymous reports usually make it more difficult for authorities to investigate a case of abuse, because they have no way of knowing if the report is coming from a legitimate source or a person with a grudge against the suspected abuser.
It's important not to suppress or explain away your fears. By using common sense and the following guidelines, you will be better equipped to decide whether or not the suspected abuse needs to be investigated and reported. And again, you can contact an abuse hotline to help you sort out your feelings.
How To Report An Assault In Progress
Call police immediately if you hear or witness violence between spouses or people who now or once lived together, parents and children, or elderly residents and their caregivers. The dispatcher or police officer answering the call will want to know what type of abuse is occurring, who is involved and, most importantly, if someone needs medical care.If the police do not arrive within ten minutes and the assault is still taking place, call the police again. In low-income areas, in particular, some police departments have a poor record of responding to domestic violence calls. To handle the immediate emergency, you can call to report that an assault is in progress without referring to it as a domestic situation. But over the long term, your neighborhood group should follow suggestions offered in Chapter 5 to make the police department more responsive to your needs.
It is not wise to physically intervene during an altercation in a domestic violence situation; neighbors have been killed for trying to come between battling spouses. Let police handle the situation. Often, the threat of police authority or jail is more calming to an abuser--particularly if alcohol or drugs are involve--than an untrained neighbor, who might escalate the level of hostilities.
No one can tell you or your neighbors exactly what to do in every case. A large man witnessing a smaller, unarmed woman beating a child, for instance, might not hesitate to stop the assault. Refer to the tips on personal safety outlined in Chapter 9 for guidance on dealing with dangerous situations.
How To Report Suspected Abuse And Neglect
If you suspect, but do not witness, neglect or an overt act of abuse, you can always talk it over with a few trusted friends in the neighborhood before calling police or other agencies. Your goal, of course, is not to gossip about some family on the block, but to compare notes to see if you can confirm suspicions about an abusive situation.Depending on how long your neighborhood group has been together and the level of intimacy that has developed, you might also mention your suspicions at one of the meetings. You can say something like, "I've been hearing so much about family violence on television that I'm getting concerned about it. I'm wondering if this is a problem in our neighborhood?" People in the group may share instances of abuse they have observed or suspect. Or the group may simply decide to do more research on the issue or to invite a local therapist or social worker to speak to the group. Your question might also lead people to talk to you privately after the meeting, or over the phone, one-on-one, about their own suspicions about abusers.
You should realize that by bringing up the subject of family violence, you may trigger strong reactions on the part of other neighbors, because many people are unwilling to face this issue or because they themselves may have experienced childhood abuse.
Besides discussing their problems with others, you can also reach out directly to neighbors who may be receiving or perpetrating abuse. See Section E for ideas on how to share local resources and offer other forms of support to families in crisis.
You can always, of course, call law enforcement or public agencies and report your concerns or suspicions. Ask them how you should proceed, or request that they check out the situation because you are concerned about the welfare of the person being abused.
In addition to police, you might consider calling agencies or organizations that are involved with:
- Child abuse. Look in your phone book under children's protective services or check the government listings for the local child welfare office or child abuse hotline. You could also talk to a child's teacher, to check suspicions of child abuse. When teachers see evidence of child abuse, however, they must report it to police or social services because the legal system views teachers as mandated reporters.
- Domestic violence. Look in the local phone book for crisis hotlines in your county or check under crisis intervention or women's services. You can also ask directory assistance for the phone number of battered women's shelters or women's support groups.
- Elder abuse. Most counties provide adult protective services to elderly and dependent adults unable to care for themselves. You can call such an agency or try the county social services or health department. Check also with your state's Department of Aging. If you or someone in your neighborhood group suspects that an older person is in jeopardy, it's often a good idea to talk with others who know the family, such as a doctor, minister or long-time friend, to confirm the person's medical or mental condition. Neighbors might also drop by the person's home unexpectedly to check on suspected abuse.
"My older neighbor rarely comes out of her house anymore and the few times I have seen her, she's dressed in dirty clothes and her hair is disheveled. I think her nephew has taken her car, too, and I'm afraid he might be abusing her. Do you think I should be concerned? What should I do?"
The agency you call should help you sort out the facts and determine if further investigation is necessary.
What Happens After Someone Reports Family Violence
When an incident of family violence is reported, it can trigger a variety of responses from police and public agencies. What happens after you make a report varies from state to state, and perhaps even among cities in the same state.Official responses also depend on the type of violence or abuse that is reported. In the case of child or elder abuse, police will investigate to determine if a crime has been committed and whether criminal charges should be filed. Police may also refer the case to social service agencies to evaluate whether the child or older person should remain where they are or be moved to another residential setting, such as a foster home for children or a public institution for the older person. If a protective services agency gets the abuse report first (before police), it should investigate as soon as possible (usually within 48 hours). These agencies may or may not then call in police for further investigation of the case.
A domestic violence call to police automatically triggers an arrest of the batterer in some cities and situations. In others, the batterer may only be arrested if he causes serious injuries or uses deadly force. Because police officers usually do not witness the incident of domestic violence first hand, they may not be able to make an arrest. Or the officers may only be able to issue a misdemeanor citation to the batterer and release him, if he has no previous record of assault or if the incident was not serious enough to warrant arrest. In that situation, the woman being abused may be able to make a citizen's arrest, declaring that she is placing the man under arrest. Then the officers may be able respond to her action by taking the batterer to jail.
After an arrest has been made, a woman may apply for a temporary restraining order (TRO) to prevent an abuser from attacking her again. Restraining orders most commonly order a man to either have "restraint on personal conduct," meaning he cannot disturb the peace of the woman, such as by harassing her on the phone or in person or stalking her on the way to work. Or the TRO could be a "stay away" order that bars the man from coming within a certain distance--say 100 yards--of the woman.
If a neighbor wants to find out how TROs work and help in applying for one, call the police department, your county courthouse, a local women's shelter or an advocacy organization for women. It is necessary to fill out forms and pay a fee to file a TRO in court, but the process does not require a lawyer.
A woman who has a restraining order against someone--say an ex-boyfriend--should alert neighbors to this fact. Neighbors can then call the police if they see the ex-boyfriend violating the order.
It can be difficult for a battered woman to follow through on charges against an abuser, but neighbors can support her by providing guidance through the court system if the case goes to trial. See Chapter 10 for advice on assisting someone in dealing with the court.
Resources For Coping with Family Violence
All Family Violence
National Council on Child Abuse and Family Violence
1155 Connecticut Ave., NW
Washington, DC 20036
800-222-2000.
Offers information and referrals on all forms of family violence.
Domestic Violence
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
1511 K St., NW, Room 409
Washington, DC 20005.
To learn more about public policy debates on domestic violence or to join the Coalition, contact the Washington office (address above) or call 202-638-6388. For general information on domestic violence call the Denver office, 303-839-1852.
Books
Useful books on recognizing and coping with domestic violence include:
- Violence and The Family, by Gilda Berger (Franklin Watts);
- The Battered Woman Syndrome, by Lenore Walker (Springer Publishing Co.);
- Getting Free: A Handbook for Women in Abusive Relationships, by Ginny NiCarthy (Seal Press); and
- Chain Chain Change: For Black Women Dealing With Physical and Emotional Abuse, by Evelyn C. White (Seal Press).
Violence by Men
Raven (Rape and Violence End Now)
P.O. Box 24159
St. Louis, MO 63130
314-725-6137
Provides information and referrals for batterers (men only) who want help in ending their abusive behavior. For suggestions on how to speak to a batterer, see Paul Kivel's book, Men's Work (Hazeldon Publications), or the accompanying video.
Gay and Lesbian Domestic Violence
- Naming the Violence: Speaking Out About Lesbian Battering, edited by Kerry Lobel (Seal Press)
- Violent Betrayal: Partner Abuse in Lesbian Relationships, by Claire M. Renzetti (St. Josephs University Press )
- Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them, by David Island and J.P. Letellier (Haworth Press).
Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project
Community United Against Violence
973 Market St., Suite 500
San Francisco, CA 94103
415-777-5500 (office)
415-333-4357 (emergency line)
Offers 24-hour crisis line, providing safety information and supportive telephone counseling to same sex domestic violence survivors.
Child Abuse
Child Help USA, National Child Abuse Hotline,
P.O. Box 630
Hollywood, CA 90028
800-422-4453. For the hearing impaired call 800-222-4453.
Trained counselors answer this 24-hour hotline and provide information or referrals to anyone concerned about child abuse.
Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information
P.O. Box 1182
Washington, D.C. 20013
800-394-3366
Provides information and referral services on child abuse. Publishes A Coordinated Response to Child Abuse and Neglect: A Basic Manual, by Diane DePanfilis and Marsha K. Salus which describes strategies for enhancing community collaboration and coordination to eliminate child abuse through nonpunitive and unintrusive methods. Single copy is free.
Parents Anonymous, Inc.
520 So. Lafayette Park Place Suite 316
Los Angeles, CA 90057
800-775-1134
Provides information on free self-help groups for parents who feel overwhelmed and want to learn better ways of parenting.
Elder Abuse
National Aging Resource Center
810 First St., NE, Suite 500
Washington, DC 20002
202-682-2470
Provides information, referrals and education on abuse and neglect of the elderly.
American Association of Retired Persons (AARP)
Criminal Justice Services
1909 K Street, N.W.
Washington, DC 20049
202-434-2222
Publishes numerous brochures for the elderly, including "Domestic Mistreatment of the Elderly: Towards Prevention, Some Do's and Don'ts."
Other Resources on Abuse
Breaking the Circle of Satanic Ritual Abuse, by Daniel Ryder (CompCare), covers issues such as recruiting, mind control, programming, co-dependency, addiction and recovery.
