DADELAND, Fla. — Marsha Reid's first mistake was trying to shoplift $900 worth of clothing from a department store.

She made an even bigger mistake in her selection of a getaway car: It belonged to two off-duty police officers.

She told the car's occupants that someone was trying to kill her. The stunned officers quickly pointed her out to pursuing security officers and the hapless 19-year-old Reid was soon in handcuffs — again.

Miami-Dade Police Maj. Grace O'Donnell and her husband, Lt. James O'Donnell, were placing their just-purchased Christmas gifts in the trunk of their county-owned Ford Taurus on Dec. 20, when Reid hopped into the backseat.

The O'Donnells told Reid to get out of the car and then reached into the trunk for the police radio. By that time, a security guard came running down a ramp and asked the O'Donnells if they had seen the young woman matching the description of the one in the car.

Reid was charged with retail theft, resisting arrest and escaping from police.

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — Perhaps he was just being cheap, maybe he actually believed he could do it better or maybe he just didn't know better.

But authorities in Broward County continue to scratch their heads after learning about the man who needlessly neutered his own dog.

Jose Noel Rugama, 54, who is not a veterinarian, was arrested Dec. 19 at his home and charged with felony cruelty to animals after a female housemate reported the do-it-yourself excision to investigators.

Authorities say Rugama used a single-edged razor to perform the delicate surgery on Elvis, his pet Chihuahua. Rugama says he performed the procedure in order to remove a tumor in the dog's groin.

Woefully, there was no such tumor and Rugama ended up removing one of the dog's testicles.

The dog was taken to Coral Springs Animal Hospital where it has made a full recovery. Remarkably, the amateur surgeon seemed to know exactly where to cut and did not severely harm the dog, authorities said, adding that it is surprising how trusting and calm Elvis has remained after the assault.

"[Rugama] assaulted a defenseless creature without using any anesthetic," said Hugh Graff, a spokesman for the Broward County Sheriff's Office. "But even after having suffered this horrible, traumatic experience, Elvis is still in good spirits."

A search of Rugama's home following the arrest uncovered a cache of weapons, including a .22-caliber rifle, a Remington .308-caliber rifle, a 1942 Enfield .0303 rifle, a Beretta pistol and a Taurus .357 revolver. Along with the weapons being confiscated, authorities also removed another Chihuahua named Priscilla, a rottweiler, two pythons and several fish and birds. The dogs will be put up for adoption.

Graff told Court TV that a judge denied Rugama bond after an investigation into the animal cruelty charge drew attention to a 1993 Palm Beach County warrant that accuses Rugama of manslaughter while driving under the influence.

"It's especially satisfying to know that this idiot will not be leaving jail anytime soon," Graff said.

SILT, Colorado — A 53-year-old woman was cited for disorderly conduct after she apparently went berserk after noticing condoms displayed in plain view at the checkout stand of a local convenience store.

Mary Ann Olson lashed out at employees of Go-Fer Foods on Dec. 16, and then threatened a police officer with the wrath of God. Olson claimed the condoms promoted free sex among children and became agitated when store employees failed to remove them from the shelf.

Chief Paul Taylor, who arrived at the store on the call about the irate customer, told Court TV that the woman admonished him and said he'd suffer the retribution of God for taking the side of the store.

According to Chief Taylor, Olson had been to the store several times in the past, commenting on the inappropriateness of the display. Olson became especially agitated during this visit, yanked the display off the shelf, and threw the condoms all over the floor in front of several customers. At that time, store clerks had no option but to call 911.

"Whatever her personal opinion was, this was the store's business and she had no right to become belligerent," Taylor said.

Olson has been banned from the store and could face charges if she fails to comply.

ROANOKE, Va. —Calling him "a complete buffoon," the owners of Texas Tavern, a downtown eatery, are offering a $500 reward to anyone with information leading to the arrest of a burglar who left behind some revealing evidence on a surveillance camera — a shot of his bare posterior.

The camera caught the clumsy intruder in a series of comical mishaps that culminated with his pants falling down as he bent to pick up something from the floor. For all his trouble, the man took off with an empty cash box and a whopping $38 in cash.

The break-in occurred at about 3:10 a.m. on Dec. 26, during the waning hours of the only day that the 24-hour eatery is closed during the year.

The burglar, wearing a ski mask and socks on his hands, broke through the front door with a piece of concrete, crawled through the broken door and then vaulted over the front counter. He tried unsuccessfully to open a cash box, which was empty, and threw it to the ground. He then opened a cabinet behind a bar, took the cash and then tried to pry loose a cash box attached to the cabinet. As he shook the cabinet, advertisements enclosed in the glass fell onto him.

Stumbling and bungling, the burglar quickly stooped to the ground. But as he did, his pants fell, exposing his buttocks. After pulling his pants back up, the man grabbed the cash, and jumped the counter. In the process, he lost a shoe.

The man quickly retrieved his shoe and exited through the front door. He returned about 20 minutes later and dislodged the cash box with a slab of concrete. He then fled gleefully from the store with the cash box, apparently unaware that it was empty.

This is only the second time that someone has broken into the store in the 71 years of business. According to Shelley Alley, a spokesman for the Roanoke City Police Department, no arrests have been made as of yet.