MARTINEZ, Calif. — Murder defendant Susan Polk told jurors Thursday that her psychologist husband raped her, poisoned her and killed her dogs during their 30-year relationship.

"His refrain was that nobody would ever believe me if I told them anything," Polk said about her husband, Dr. Felix Polk. 

When she tried to leave, Polk said, Felix called her "crazy," threatened to harm their sons and implied that one of his patients — an attorney who moonlighted as a hit man — would finish her.

"It was a recurrent theme. Whenever I brought up divorce, he would say, 'You better think of the consequences to the children. You better think of the consequences to the dogs,'" she told jurors.

Polk said her Jewish husband boasted of his connections to Israeli intelligence agents and she believed he was also a spy.

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"I knew things I thought I would be killed for hearing," Polk said.

No evidence has been presented, however, that Felix's patient was a hit man, or that Felix was a Mossad agent.

The 48-year-old Orinda, Calif., housewife, who is acting as her own attorney, is accused of stabbing her 70-year-old therapist husband to death in October 2002 during a bitter divorce battle. Polk admits she stabbed Felix multiple times with a paring knife, leaving his partially nude, bloody body on the floor of a pool cottage on their $2 million property. Her youngest son found the grisly scene the next night and called police. Polk claims she acted in self-defense and that Felix died of a heart attack while he was attacking her.

Two of Polk's three sons have testified for the prosecution, claiming that their mother is delusional and openly discussed ways to kill their father. Her middle child has corroborated her account of his father's abusive behavior.

Polk was a teenager in therapy in the early '70s when she first met Felix. Throughout college, she said, she carried on an illicit dual relationship with Felix, until he left his wife and children and married her, his child-bride patient, in 1981.

Polk, who believes she is psychic, claims her husband controlled her from the start by drugging her with strange teas, hypnotizing her, raping her and forcing her to make predictions.

The veil was lifted, she said, after she turned 40 and experienced a flood of memories about their therapy sessions.

"The truth — it's not all neat," Polk said. "It doesn't fit in a little package."

Two dogs dead

Polk testified in a languid, confessional tone Thursday. She cried, she laughed, and made eye contact with jurors as if chatting with old friends.

The jurors leaned in, taking notes. But by late afternoon, many were listless, stretching in their seats, eyes at half-mast.

Polk said that Felix was shy and unsociable with outsiders, but at home, and in bed, he controlled her every move.

"His attitude was essentially: Rape. That was the natural way things were done between men and women," Polk said. "I didn't know it wasn't normal for men to rape their wives."

Polk said Felix was also brutish with his language: Women were "bitches," Americans were fat and lazy, and Cub Scouts "was for pussies." Polk said she was not allowed to become a den mother, nor were her sons allowed to continue their scouting activities.

"I was very disturbed by his lack of patriotism," she said.

Polk said she had to receive permission before going shopping, making plans with other parents or leaving the house.

She also suspects he poisoned her.

Shortly after the birth of their first son, Adam, Polk said she was feverish and ill and checked herself into the hospital. Felix rarely visited, she said, telling her that if she died, his first wife would take him back and they would raise Adam.

Many years later, when Polk began to talk about divorce, she said she began to suffer numbness and tingling in her hands and feet.

"Felix smiled and said, 'It's M.S.,'" Polk told jurors. A neurologist ruled out multiple sclerosis and Felix seemed disappointed, she said.

"Looking back over my life, I became convinced he was actually poisoning me," Polk said.

And so she meticulously screened everything she put in her body, she said. She refused his offers of food and wine. She barricaded the bedroom door so that he could not drug her in her sleep.

Her symptoms disappeared, she said. But her dogs did not fare as well.

Polk said Felix was a dog-kicker who hated the family's German shepherd, Maxi.

Maxi suffered an early death when his "intestines turned black," Polk said. Maxi's pup daughter, Mitzi, developed seizures. She said she confronted Felix with her suspicions, and he blamed a neighbor.

Neighbors, Polk said, were off-limits as friends. The defendant told jurors she was not allowed to have relationships outside of Felix's "ghoulish" friends, who made off-color jokes and engaged in perverted antics.

"I finally made up my mind," Polk testified. "I wasn't going to behave like a caged bird. I would live my life. I could go shopping if I wanted to."

Polk has yet to discuss the events that transpired the night of her husband's death.

Polk's direct testimony will be interrupted Friday when her son Adam, now 23, retakes the stand for further questioning by his mother.

Polk faces 25 years to life in prison if convicted of first-degree murder.