SAN DIEGO — Raw grief mingled with common titillation at the Danielle van Dam murder trial Wednesday as the slain second-grader’s father took the stand against her accused killer.

Damon van Dam gave a wrenching account of the 7-year-old’s abduction from the safety of her suburban bedroom, but under a relentless cross-examination by a defense lawyer, he bitterly confirmed rumors that he and his wife engaged in swinging, or wife-swapping.

“I have opened my life up — every detail — to try to get my daughter back and now to get justice for her,” a red-faced van Dam said after admitting that he had sexual relations with other women while his wife watched.

Defendant David Westerfield

Prosecutors are seeking the death penalty against David Westerfield, a 50-year-old engineer who lived two doors from the van Dams. They allege he is a pedophile who snatched her from her canopy bed Feb. 2, raped and suffocated her and then dumped her body along a rural road.

Damon van Dam’s grilling Wednesday, the second day of the trial, appeared to be part of a defense strategy to shift the focus away from strong DNA and other physical evidence against Westerfield and toward Danielle’s parents and their lifestyle.

It was unclear how well that approach played with jurors. As defense lawyer Steven Feldman got van Dam to acknowledge intimate relationships with two female guests in his home the night Danielle disappeared and that a third man present was his marijuana dealer, few jurors took notes. And as van Dam stammered with the uncomfortable questions, jurors stared at the lawyer instead of the witness.

During a sidebar conference between Judge William Mudd and the lawyers, van Dam stared at supporters in the gallery, shook his head and then in full view of the jury, slammed his forehead down on the witness box.

The day of testimony that ended in frustration and shame, began in tears. The software engineer choked with emotion as he showed jurors photographs of Danielle’s room, a young girl’s pink and purple dream. Stopping frequently to regain his composure, he pointed out her toy box and shiny white dresser, the "little fluffy hearts" hanging from her ceiling and her snowy canopy bed and lilac sheets.

"She was in her bed right here with her dollies," van Dam told the panel, describing the last time he saw his daughter. An alternate juror clutched her notebook to her chest and wiped at her eyes.

Danielle's room

Van Dam said that on that Friday night, his wife, Brenda, and two friends, identified as Barbara Easton and Denise Kemal, had scheduled a “girl’s night out” at a local bar. During cross-examination, van Dam said he and Kemal had sex in his bed once, a year before, while Kemal’s husband and Brenda van Dam were present. He acknowledged that he and Easton, an airline stewardess, had intercourse once and sexual relations twice. On those two occasions, he said, Brenda van Dam watched.

On Feb. 1, he had agreed to watch Danielle and her brothers, Dylen and Derek. Before the women left, he joined them in smoking a marijuana joint in the garage.

He described the night as typically mundane. He had more pizza and a third beer while playing video games with his sons. Danielle wrote in her journal and read. The dog, Layla, chewed up her bed. Then it was time for sleep. By 10, he said, he had kissed his three children and made sure they were in their separate second-floor bedrooms with their doors open a small crack.

Soon after, he turned in. His wife, Kemal and Easton returned from the bar with two male friends just before two, he said. Easton jumped into his bed and van Dam said he kissed and “snuggled” her for five minutes before joining the other guests downstairs.

He said the guests left within 20 minutes and then he and Brenda went to bed, shutting the dog in their eldest son’s room. They did not, however, check on the children.

Sometime in the three o’clock hour, he said, something woke him up and he noticed that an alarm panel indicated an open door or window somewhere in the house. When he went to investigate, he found the rear sliding door open. He concluded that one of his wife’s friends had opened the door, a conclusion he said he made "quickly and mistakenly."

“Did you check on the kids?” asked Dusek.

“I didn’t check on the kids. I was tired and I didn’t think that door being open was that important at the time,” he said.

The next morning, Brenda van Dam discovered Danielle’s empty bed. Damon van Dam admitted initially lying to investigators about his pot use and his relationship with Easton, but said he told the police the truth when they impressed him with the gravity of the situation.

"I didn’t think it mattered and I didn’t want to get in trouble," he said of the marijuana.

Window to Danielle's bedroom

A girl's room

He also gave jurors the layout of the house and seemed to poke a hole in at least one defense theory — that Westerfield, who barely knew the family, would never have been able to navigate a strange house and find Danielle’s room.

Damon van Dam showed jurors photos of the doors to the children’s three rooms. Derek had a Pokemon sticker on his door while Dylen had a Tarzan photo on his. Danielle’s door was decorated with a heart and two flowers, and immediately upon opening the door, her canopy bed was visible.

Judge Mudd warned witnesses and those attending the trial against wearing mementos of Danielle, including button pins showing her picture. Damon van Dam took his off to testify, stuffing it in the front pocket of his white dress shirt. His daughter’s image was visible through the fabric.

Westerfield’s case moved remarkable quickly to trial. Danielle disappeared four months ago and Van Dam still spoke of his daughter in the present tense.

"She’s just learning to spell," he said. Later he described Danielle reading to her brother Dylen, saying, "She likes to help him learn to read."

Also testifying Wednesday was forensic dentist Norman Sperber, who the prosecution called to bolster their theory that Danielle was suffocated. Sperber said Danielle was missing four front upper teeth, including one later found in the back of her mouth.

Sperber said teeth could have been knocked out during an assault, but might also have fallen out as the body decayed. If that was the case, Sperber said, the teeth should have been located at the spot where she was dumped. The teeth were not.

Medical Examiner Brian Blackbourne, who began his testimony late Wednesday afternoon, is to continue on the stand Thursday morning.