Douglas Kelly was willing to risk jail time rather than face his pregnant girlfriend's fury.

When the 39-year-old man discovered he had squandered his money at the Scuttlebutt Gentlemen's Club in Slidell, La., he came up with a harrowing tale of a late-night abduction and theft to explain the loss to his girlfriend.

But first, the story needed authenticity — so Kelly called police.

According to a police document, Kelly told Slidell police that he left his motel room at about 1 a.m. on July 13 to buy dog food at a local Exxon station when an assailant struck him over the head, stole $500 from him and forced him into the trunk of Kelly's 1994 Cadillac. The assailant then drove the car around Slidell for nearly two hours before Kelly was able to escape by unlocking the trunk's emergency release lever.

But detectives were puzzled that Kelly reported the alleged crime almost four hours after it occurred.

Police spokesperson Captain Rob Callahan said detectives first contacted the gas station and were told that the store did not sell dog food. They were also skeptical that a late-model Cadillac would be equipped with an emergency release lever; an inspection of the alleged victim's car confirmed their doubts.

Kelly's story began to unravel during the interview, Callahan said. Kelly initially stated that he had been in the store with his assailant. He later claimed he encountered the man outside. He also told investigators that he was face-to-face with his attacker during the assault. But he changed this detail as well when detectives pointed out that the blow he suffered could only have come from behind. Although Kelly claimed he was robbed, officers found $400 in his wallet.

Confronted about the inconsistencies in his story, Kelly finally admitted that he and an unconfirmed acquaintance had visited a strip club the night before and had become intoxicated. He woke up hours later in the passenger side of his car without his keys, lost and $500 short. He told detectives that he concocted the story "to insulate myself from the wrath of my pregnant girlfriend about my exploits in a strip club," the police report said.

Police charged Kelly with falsifying a police report and fined him $500.

Police say each of Nicholas Koger's 12 notes was handwritten, the writing style a little different, but the intent was always clear: "Remove your panties or else."

Authorities in Osceola County, Fla., arrested Koger on July 15 and charged him with six felony counts of written threats to kill or do bodily injury. Koger allegedly wrote notes to women asking them to take off their underwear and leave them in the space where their cars were parked.

Sheriff's spokesperson Twis Lizasuain said Koger first struck in 2000, but investigators had no leads and closed the case. The investigation was reopened when 11 new incidents were reported between February and May of 2005 by six women from Osceola and five others from surrounding jurisdictions.

According to a police document, Koger, 27, allegedly targeted women in public parking lots. He would wait for the victim to leave her car and then leave a note on the windshield or between the front driver and rear passenger doors. Although the notes were written differently, the message was always the same.

"He would order them to leave their underwear or pantyhose in the parking space and threaten to harm them if they didn't," Lizasuain said. "But none of the women have told us that they complied."

Koger was arrested after Osceola authorities installed surveillance cameras in the parking lot of the hospital, where he targeted six of his victims. Although investigators did not get a clear view of Koger's face, they were able to identify his vehicle.

Koger was held on $15,000 bond. He paid part of that amount and was released the day of his arrest.

Miguel Espinosa may have been desperate to get to work, but it's unlikely that his job will be waiting for him following his recent exploit.

According to Chicago police, Espinosa stole a marked police squad car on July 14 to get to work.

Police spokesperson Patrick Camden said the empty car was unlocked and parked outside of a local store when the 38-year-old Espinosa walked by at around 7:00 p.m. and decided that he needed a quick way to get to his job. Camden would not comment on the whereabouts of the officers assigned to the car.

Espinosa allegedly drove the car to his job at a local bakery and later left the site with the vehicle at about 3:00 a.m. after ending his shift. He then decided to impersonate a police officer.

According to Camden, on the way home, Espinosa stopped to help a citizen with an injured dog. He allegedly told the woman that he was a cop. When an animal control unit arrived at the scene and tried to obtain an incident report, Espinosa gave them the wrong form. One of the animal control officers contacted the real police.

"Maybe he wanted to be a police [officer]. But other than stupidity, there's no excuse for what he did," Camden said about the theft.

Espinosa was arrested and charged with auto theft and impersonating a police. He's in the Cook County Jail on $350,000 bond.

Stupid Crimes & Misdemeanors, a weekly feature of Courttv.com, is reported by Tinuola Awopetu.

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