Gentlemen, choose your weapons!

When Maryland state troopers responded to a dispute between Eddie James Adkins and Shaun Michael Sullivan, the officers discovered that they had missed quite a battle — a fistfight that escalated into domestic warfare with various household tools for weapons.

According to a police document, Sullivan stopped by Adkins' home to collect his mail on September 6, but when he didn't find any, he let himself into the house. Adkins arrived at the residence as Sullivan was exiting the home and allegedly told him that he had no right to be in the home without permission. The two men then got into a fistfight.

Maryland state trooper spokesperson Detective Sgt. Michael Kinhart was unable to confirm the nature of the men's relationship.

When Adkins went into his home and returned with a broomstick, Sullivan retrieved an aluminum baseball bat from his car, the report said. Adkins was able to wrestle control of the bat from Sullivan, but as he walked back towards his home, Sullivan followed him with a shovel. Sullivan then allegedly began to choke the other man with the tool.

After Adkins fought off Sullivan's shovel assault, he went into his bedroom and produced a black .22-caliber rifle that he pointed at Sullivan. When Sullivan refused to leave the property, Adkins fired a shot in his direction, but missed.

The gun-wielding combatant later told officers at the scene that he had intended to fire a second shot at his opponent but that the rifle had jammed, the report stated.

State troopers arrested both men and charged them with first-degree assault and reckless endangerment. Sullivan was also charged with two counts of burglary and trespassing.

A Michigan man who reported his 200-pound safe stolen didn't expect that law enforcement officers would be curious about the box's contents once they found it.

Police say the man, whose name has not been released, may be facing charges after the opened safe revealed a stash of marijuana.

According to Delta County Detective Lt. Mike Gierke, the man reported the safe stolen on August 10 after he returned home from a late baseball game and discovered that his home had been burglarized. An eyewitness tip led authorities to Joseph Henderson, who denied his involvement in the incident.

Henderson reportedly hid the safe in the woods for almost a month before returning on September 7 to attempt to break into the box. Gierke said another source divulged details of Henderson's plan and officers were waiting to arrest him and an accomplice.

But officers had other suspicions about the safe.

"We had a search warrant and our crowbars — we suspected that there was more in the safe than just guns, as the owner had told us," Gierke said.

The owner initially was reluctant to come down to the police station to open the safe. Gierke said he told the man that the safe would be forced open without his consent.

"He knew what he was in for," the officer said. "Why report a safe stolen, especially if it was full of marijuana? He should be given a double dumbbell award."

The man voluntarily opened the safe, which contained guns and six to eight bags of marijuana weighing two ounces each. Gierke said although the man was allowed to leave, a request for an arrest warrant was submitted on September 12.

The man could face charges of criminal possession of marijuana with intent to distribute. The burglar, Henderson, was charged with a count of home invasion and is being held on $5000 cash bond.

Yah, mon, this is a stick-up.

John G. McQueen's disguise was not particularly striking, but witnesses at a bank that the Georgia man allegedly robbed remembered his fake Jamaican accent after he was gone.

According to Columbus Police Captain Lem Miller, McQueen, 38, entered a Wachovia Bank on September 9 at about 9:30 a.m., wearing a dreadlocks wig, a black ski mask, and an all-black outfit.

He allegedly held employees at gunpoint and told them that he had a bomb. A witness later told officers that McQueen spoke with a Jamaican accent.

"To the best of our knowledge, he is not of Jamaican descent," Miller said.

After McQueen took an undisclosed amount of money and fled from the bank, another witness reported seeing the man enter a wooded area near the bank. McQueen later emerged from the woods and asked to use the eyewitness's cellphone, Miller said.

Officers were later able to trace McQueen's phone call to the home of two co-conspirators, Candice Collins and Randolph Robinson, who were not present during the robbery. McQueen's wig was recovered at the residence.

The three suspects were arrested, but McQueen was taken to a hospital for symptoms related to drug use. He was released two days later and is being held without bail.

McQueen, Collins and Robinson have been charged with armed robbery.

Stupid Crimes & Misdemeanors, a weekly feature of Courttv.com, is reported by Tinuola Awopetu.

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